In Quarantine

On March 28th, I received the already-expected news that we all must stay home, work from home, and only leave the house if necessary. The phrase, "Help us to flatten the curve," was stuck in my head as it was a reminder to "Mind the gab" every time I left or entered the tube. I was determined to make this work, to show all my efforts to stay home and do what I do best, and to follow the rules! (Give me rules, and I will adopt them like an abandoned kitten! Hell yeah!).

After two weeks of working from home, they told me that I would be put on the furlough government scheme for at least two months to protect my job and the company. For those who don't live in the UK, it means that I won't be working, but the government will pay 80% of my salary and my employer the remaining 20% (So, I will get paid to stay at home! Woohoo!) Sounds terrific, right? Absolutely! Two whole months just for me to do what I want, what I like, to do whatever I didn't have time for before, and still, I will get paid the same salary! (Excitement!!) I made plans and found online courses, exercise routines, beauty treatments, meditation guides and so on! I was on it! I got inspired by this tremendous opportunity and even encouraged others to do the same.

But like everything in life, things do not always go to plan, and after about two weeks of full-on enthusiasm comes the days of uncertainty, too much time thinking in the future, in" what the hell I am doing?" and "what I want to do next?". Oh! Our brains can do it all and destroy it in just one thought! And how not to? I am alone most of the time. I have the whole day for myself, and sticking to the rules is one thing, but sticking to the plan is another! It was hard; there were days I only wanted to stay in bed and cry; on others, I was hyper-running all over my neighbourhood and sharing silly stories on Instagram.

These two months and two days have been tough and lazy but challenging because it is not about what we do or not do! It is what we tell ourselves in isolation. Have you ever wondered why you are so lovely and understanding with your sisters or best friends and not with you? It happens to me all the time! It is like I am kind to others, as if I would like to be with me! But I don't do it to myself! I know! Wtf? Does it happen to you, too? We also need kindness that comes from ourselves, and it is, in fact, the most important; otherwise, how can we take someone else's kind words? It is not about being positive; it is about giving yourself a chance to cry, try, fail, get up and unveil, reflect, pick up what you have left, and come back to your goals.

My world and everyone else's has changed, and I only hope to use this as a chance to find a better and kinder me.

Written on May 30th 2020